fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
