nut hugger
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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