remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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