I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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