Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
