I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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