My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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