Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
