is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
