i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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