im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
