There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
