i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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