I'm jealous of your bromance
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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