got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
