she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
