I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
