i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
