Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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