The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
