ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
