We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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