Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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