if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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