The maid of honor just puked.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
