How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
