I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Two words: blizzard sex
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
