Porn is love you can see.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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