oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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