so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
