It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i out mim tonsoeep
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