Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
