I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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