sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
