just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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