Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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