took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
