this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like abortions should bother me more
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
