Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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