so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
