There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
