cat food counts as protein by the way
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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