You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
