But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
