She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
