Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
