so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
