we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
