She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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