its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
