Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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