I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
