literally had 100 drinks last night.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
